The statement, “No one gets out of childhood alive,” attributed to American author Harlan Ellison, was based on his perspective on the vulnerability of childhood; that early trauma is carried in us well into adulthood, and perhaps never really leaves us.
In Sins of the Father: How I Overcame the Effects of Incest-More-or-Less, we learn that Dr. Maresh lived that statement, having spent a lifetime trying to understand and coming to terms with the childhood abuse that so scarred him, it caused him to write, “I had to rebuild my soul.”
The author wrote this chronicle as a series of vignettes, each with a brief window into different periods of his life and the distress, pain and anguish he experienced in every one of them. These accounts are disturbing, as stories of abuse so often are. But they’re necessary to understand how Dr. Maresh’s writing about them opened his path to healing. It propelled him on a journey of self-discovery that included becoming a board-certified psychiatrist, an astounding accomplishment that took him 10 years to complete.
This story is more than just a narrative of abuse. It is, importantly, proof of his recovery from the betrayal, secrecy, shame, self-loathing and guilt that is part and parcel of growing up in an abusive environment. He discovered in the process of healing that, “The human mind, my mind, has the ability to heal from any emotional trauma, no matter how severe, if the thoughts and feelings associated with that trauma can be clearly articulated.”
While there are some heartbreaking admissions the author didn’t shy away from: on his mother, “Her worlds never gave me comfort, but I never forgot them;” on his dad, “All his good traits would, however, evaporate around Mother;” on himself: But I did know a hurt that very nearly made me not want to exist,” he also some provides some heartening recognitions. He writes, “I hoped things would get better. Hope gave me some comfort and “I learned I had endurance; I learned that progress is slow and persistence is required.”
Dr. Maresh writes with great passion and remarkable insight into his life, surprisingly candid and truthful given that he had to relive the terror he felt and cruelty he absorbed from his mother, and sadly his own feelings of worth undermined by her. The details of both physical and sexual abuse are unfiltered; he shares the horrifying realities of both, so fair warning that they are unsettling. The truth is difficult to process. Not telling it would be a disservice to his story.
He writes, “Being a psychiatrist is a privilege. I get to hear the deepest hurts and longings of people’s hearts.” What Sins of the Father: How I Overcame the Effects of Incest-More-or-Less provides readers is a glimpse of how he came to overcome the deepest longings of his own heart. Maresh examines the long shadow of trauma while revealing a journey toward greater understanding and self-acceptance. The result is an intimate account of survival and the possibility of finding meaning beyond one’s past.
